Sometimes, I Think About Problems...

Problems with people...

Somehow, I realize, my one problem with people is really, just getting too close. I came to that conclusion today, that, when I try to get close with people, it only falls apart. It's so frustrating sometimes, that its like putting a 3D puzzle together, using a balloon as a support, and nothing to keep the pieces together with. It falls apart, or I put too much and it pops in my face. Then I realize there aren't that many people I actually can connect with. And to be honest, I find that every single time I try to get close, my heart darkens, tries to keep people out.

I guess that's why I blog - to get things out, to open up, in a way that I can't anywhere else. It's not that I'm not willing to share. But it seems like every time I put my trust in a friend who may share what I share; a faith in God, or just find someone to turn to, I end up losing their trust. Sometimes, I end up being alone, again. I can never figure out how to keep a close friend close. Funny eh?

Worst part about it is, even my secular friends are honestly closer to me than people who claim to be close to me.

I personally don't know whether or not it matters any more. But at least, now some people understand why I blog.

Lord, I pray you give me grace to accept the way people are, to forgive, to love, to understand, and most of all, to move on.

Amen.