What Makes Life Such A Blessing?

Today, many people get to spend the day off, being with family, enjoying turkey, mashed potatoes, giving thanks for all that they've been given.

For me, Thanksgiving is about being thankful every day. It's about constantly counting my blessings, and always taking advantage of the time, because it's really a blessing. It's about saying thanks to God for each moment of life; the joys, the pains, the just plain silly times.

Lately, I've been counting my blessings a lot, and it seems like everything I've gone through lately is a blessing.

Lord, thank you for the love you're constantly giving, the people you're putting in to my life, and for the life that I have. Lord, without the blessings filling my life, I would not be who I am. It's because of the service, the devotion that I have to your people and to you, that I am as true to my goal as I've ever been. Lord, there really is a countless number of blessings, and I want to pray in thanksgiving for them. Amen.

Here Am I, Send Me

Lord, lately, I've been more and more compelled to serve you, in every way I can. I want to stand and proclaim who you are, what you mean to me, the love you constantly give and fill me with. Lord, in every possible way, I want to lift myself to truly stand in spirit for you, because right now, all I can do is remain on my knees and worship. Lord, I need your guidance. I need you to fill me and give me the heart of a servant, willing to serve you, willing to say "Here Am I, Send Me!"

I want to proclaim the love of Jesus, in all I do and say. Lord, I want to go to the ends of the earth, and rise up for you my King. Lord, I don't know how to do it, but give me the strength and the guidance, and send me Lord, I'm ready to do your will. Truly Lord, I want to do your will, no matter what may come my way, because your life-giving breath is worth all the effort, for I truly am not worth, but ask to be made so, to serve you all the days of my life.

Amen.

Reflembering...

Why "Reflembering"? Part of it is an inside joke. (Migs, let's see if you can decipher it!)

Today was amazing. I honestly don't remember having a day like this, where so much happened, that to count my blessings would be way too hard.

Today was like the kind of day that hit me in one go. The best way to express it is this; you never really know how much God is blessing you, unless you just let Him. And once you know, then you can truly take the time out, to pray and be thankful for it. Honestly, it's one of the greatest feelings in the world, knowing how much He blesses you, and all I can do is just pray in thanksgiving.

Lord, I want to thank you for the gift of today. Thank you for the gift of the past few days, where I could really see your light shining into my life. Lately Lord, I've more and more seen the gifts your love is giving. As much as we're constantly swamped with things that keep us down, I want to keep my heart set on the blessings you're constantly pouring over me, the Heaven you've placed before me, and the love you've filled in me.

Amen.

A Blast From the Past

"How do you feel?" "WE FEEL SO GOOD! OH! WE FEEL SO GOOD OH!"

Oh man. After today, I doubt I'll ever get back to working on assignments. See, today was a candidate speech for the SCSU elections. I honestly don't even care if I don't win, but I learned something from today, that if memories are all you've got, the good ones are the ones that make you smile. I haven't been so cheerful in a long time.

I've been thinking a lot today, about how some friendships really are forever. As much as people try to prove against it, I've got one that seems to be built on a strong foundation. I know it sounds corny, but from the moment she and I met,we were inseparable. We still are. Only now, we're bringing out the best (and worst?) in each other, but having this race against each other in the elections.

Laura, if you're reading this, I'm so thankful to have met you as a friend. After today, I see how truly valuable your friendship is to me. We've been there through it all, since university began. I've enjoyed every moment we've been together, and heck, perhaps I am being a total sap, but I want you to know, no matter which way this thing turns out, one thing will never change; no regrets from me.

The Power of Sin

Lately, I've seen what sin can do to a human life. In fact, I've actually experienced it more and more lately.

Part of what I've been through is the pain of having the power to choose to change. And I have changed. I've changed more than I would ever imagine myself changing. The sad part about it is that even after changing, I'm growing more isolated from people.

I know I must be doing something wrong. I know that, I probably shouldn't isolate myself as I grow in holiness. I am changing. I hadn't realized it but more and more lately, I have been changing. I'm regretting every sin I've made, and I'm becoming more and more repentant of them everyday. I'm facing temptations, and while I am holding most of them, pushing them away, I can't say I've got it made.

I'm really starting to see what Adam and Eve did, and what it was that makes us so weak as humans. Realizing sin leads to shame, and shame to weakness. Lately, I've been so tired. Part of it is because I've tried to be as good as I can, and yet the weight of my sins is overwhelming.

Lord, help me bear this cross, because I know that that's the only way. To live in love for you, and to follow you, to walk with you as you carry my sin in my place. Help me find victory and strength by turning to you. Amen.

So, today was definitely a keeper...

Truly, it was. After a long day, burned arms, tense neck, 13 hours of being in school, and being sick in the midst of it all, I was blessed.

I was actually able to reconnect with old friends, catch glimpses of the faces of close friends, meet new friends, and grow. At least in some confident sense.

What had me most was an email I had never expected to get. Anyways, to make a long story short. It showed me that truly, God is never going to let you suffer, for what He doesn't intend to repay.

On that note, my week was way too long. Tomorrow will be long too, unfortunately. Anyways, I'd write more, but I'm really tired, so I won't.

Lord, tonight, after a day like this, I can only be thankful that, even in my hardest times, you show me love. With the people, the support, the fearlessness you've given me to carry on, I know I will continue to praise you. I want to thank you for the people I've had a chance to reconnect with today. I hadn't really noticed how, in every single one of my friends, lies a continual support and hope bourne of you, and Lord, I just want to make this prayer tonight, my own. After the stresses, the pains, the hurts, the loneliness, you've given me people who care more about me than I ever could imagine. And so, with this prayer as my own, I call out to you Lord, that you never let me go. Lord, your love, is a shadow; it covers me and leads me on in a safety - your love. Lord, I never want to lose your love, so I promise that with all you've given me today, I will forever praise your mercy, I will forever give my all.

Amen.

A Sign of Hope? or A Sign to be Scared?

Okay, so something really, really ambiguously odd happened last night; I can't say in case it might start something, but I don't know what to do.

I'm not sure if I should find hopeful serenity in what happened, or if I should think nothing of it, or even to think it a bad sign. It's really confusing, and some answers are needed. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, but so far, no luck and I don't see why it could have happened if not for the one feeling that would bring me hope.

I guess that's part of human nature, is to be afraid of the unlikely, and to hope for only good. I guess that's what I see, is the idealist's view of events.

Please Lord, help me  see hope, but above that, the truth, in what's happening. Deep down, I'm really scared, and worried, and most of all uncertain. I would like to hope for the best, to have hope in you, but I can't do that if I'm not even sure where I stand on the matter. I would like for my hope in you, to result in your glorious love shining through, and to be certain of that no matter what, to be firm in my pray, knowing what I ask will be granted. But alas Lord, I'm human. I have no power over you. The world is your domain. And I know your acts are sometimes tests of faith and obedience to you, and so, grant faith, that it may be received to serve you...

Amen.

Brave New Utopia?

I was reading Sir Thomas More's Utopia and Aldous Huxley's Brave New World as of late, and I came to one realization.

Huxley is a biter.

Well, okay, it's not that bad, but Brave New World seems to have far too much in common with Utopia that it probably isn't just a coincidence. Anyways, for what it's worth, I learned a few things about society.

In far too many cases, it's actually impossible to work with what we have and instantly have a perfect society. Ironically, where it does make sense is that if we worked for it, it actually is possible. More says that the key to utopia, as well as Huxley, is that everything needs to be mutual. "Everyone belongs to everyone." The contrast I pulled out of it, was mainly that Brave New World really shows it in a light of impractical insanity, where one "misfit" would screw up the system, and is thus sent far away, where his sense of "self" wouldn't harm the operation.

I'm actually really drawn in by the similarities and what they say, but I'm really eager to look for more in the meaning of things.

tcGb.

What makes it so hard to do...

So today was the second day of classes. The reason I'm taking time out to blog right now, is that, today, every single time I wrote the date, I stop, and think about what's happened, and the fact that, all because of this day, 6 years ago, we lost thousands of lives in North America. A few of the lives lost that day were Canadians. When I got home, my parents were watching the news, and they were talking about a ceremony in Toronto, held for the victims.

I guess the other side of the coin is this; I remember a story about the man who saved many lives, but the sacrifices made to do so. The plane on its way for the White House, hijacked by Al-Qaeda members, was re-directed by a man who, before taking the risk to momentarily take control of the jet, was on the phone with an operator, whom he asked to join him in praying the Apostles' Prayer: The Our Father.

What many people have learned, if in the hardest way possible, is that sacrifice happens, because of the love they have for God's creation. The man who redirected the plane, he sacrificed his, and 39 other people's lives, to save what could have been the world. Almost astonishing, to think of that as a sacrifice in this age, almost comparable to Jesus. But maybe that man learned something about God some of us still lack: that Jesus' love lives in all of us, and at a moment's notice, we should all be willing to love like He did, willing to risk our lives, because we love all of His creation. I personally took out from it that it's times like these that are blessings the most, in disguise, because we know God is there, as hard as it is to see. God is testing us, in some way.

Watching a video online one time, I remember hearing about the meaning of "Namaste," the Indian greeting among brothers, sisters, neighbors, and everyone you meet. It means roughly "That which is from God in me greets that which is from God in you." It really hits hard, that perhaps these events are planned out, so that we can see what God has placed in us for each other. I know I've seen it; it's the light of faith, hope and love. It's the light which we're supposed to let shine, in the name of Love, in the name of God.

Lord, today, I want to pray that we all learn to find that light from you, that you placed in us. I want to ask that whatever we do, we will shout your praise, sing your fame, and shine, with the light of your love for us.

Amen.

p.s. Here's just a couple of links to videos I found really nice to watch, for the faithful hearted Christian, or the regular Christian.

1. Rev. Tom Honey Talks about God: Could God have allowed the Tsunami?

2. The Hope

"The End is Near."

There's a story about two preachers who were fishing by a riverbank when a man drove up and stopped short upon seeing a handwritten sign they had obviously erected: "The End Is Near. Turn Around." "Hey, I don't appreciate that kind of blatant sermonizing," the man shouted to the fishing clerics, and he drove on in a huff. A few moments later came the sound of screeching tires followed by a loud splash. "I told you we should have written 'Bridge Out Ahead,'" said one preacher to another. (Taken from "A Teen's Guide to Christian Living")

The story comes from the section of the book mentioned, entitled "What is (and isn't) sin?" I guess the irony in the story comes from how we're all like that at times. We see something that might somewhat be connect to God, say we don't appreciate it being publicized like that, and end up in a trap. A part of me wants to say I've never gone through this, but I can't help but be honest about it. Everyone's gone through this type of thing. One moment, we see someone professing their faith more prominently than us, evangelizing, speaking out. All of us have reacted even to ourselves being like that, calling it an embarrassment to who we are, to what we call ourselves. The fact is though, most, if not all of us do this. We all run headlong into life's traps, ignoring God, ignoring what God wants, going after all that we want.

Part of it is about ignoring the "doom and gloom" story of the end being near, not preparing for it in prayer, and living life for the moment. Living is okay, but if all you do is live and party, soon, that's who you become: someone who doesn't know God, unprepared for the "Rapture" at the end of time. 

Another lesson comes of Hope - hope and faith in God. I bring this up remembering the YFC conference theme for this year. In Corinthians, Paul writes "God is faithful: He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Cor. 10:13).

For me, this quotation has to do with God and how much you're willing to trust Him. Personally, I've been put through way too much by God, and yet, I'm still here, stronger in heart than I've ever been. My strength comes because God's shown me the very limits of what I can go through, and I've been to my near breaking point. These days, I'm still recovering, because I know there's still more that needs to be done, that I'm not back at my peak. It's funny how God can take you from your highest of highs, and drop you to the lowest of lows.

Lord God, my prayer today is that we learn to live according to your will, obedient to everything, eyes, ears and hearts ever open and attentive to your words. Lord, because we're constantly falling into traps, and losing hope, give us peace in our hearts, to trust you, to know you are there. Guide us to your will.

Amen.

**If you're interested, the book I've read, and drew upon for this blog is called "A Teen's Guide to Christian Living." It's co-authored by Bettie B. Youngs, Jennifer Leigh Youngs and Debbie Thurman.

If Just One...

I was reminded of a song today, while blogging and looking through other random sites. The thing that came out to me about this song was when I once shared a talk with a brother of mine. I guess the one thing is, for him, the idea of humility is key. The one thing I remember talking to him about was service, and what he taught me was what the song said:

"If just one should find their way then it's been worth the while."

The song is Clay Aiken's "Go the Distance", and it's a song that is sung in two narrative voices primarily: Jesus, and the singer. It's about being a change in the world, no matter how small the difference. It also kind of reminded me of YFC's C4 Mission and Vision. We're constantly being challenged by the odds, called to make even the smallest difference in the world, to glorify Him.

Aside from that, I guess the song really reminded me that, regardless of size, a blessing is a blessing from God.

Lord God, help us to realize that every single success is a victory for us, granted by your will. Keep us firm in faith, and realize that even the smallest step is a great victory for you O Lord, and always remind us that our humility will only prove to glorify you in our hearts.

Amen.

New Link Update

Hey all.

This post is just an update regarding the new link on my link list (to the right). It's basically a blogspot and every now and again (hopefully daily) I'll be posting a chapter from the book, and you're all free to read it. The link to it is on the right side, directly under "Blogs" so, feel free to visit.

tcGb

When God Chooses to Answer Our Prayers...

Picture taken from: http://tammy-a.blogspot.com/

God chooses to answer our prayers on His time. I've always learned that everything would happen in God's time, according to God's will. For me, it was through wanting to go to conference. I don't know when I actually will get to, but I'm sure if God's will is for me to go, then at the right moment, He will guide me. A lot of it has been because of my impatience, that I've learned. When you think about the phrase; "Patience is a virtue," it's clear what it means - waiting for God's will to provide what it needs to, in God's time.

Heavenly Father, I pray we learn to be patient, to accept that everything is according to your will, and will happen in your time. For this, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ the Lord. Amen.

Paradise

"Victory and triumph to the Son of God,
Now entering his great duel, not of arms,
But to vanquish by wisdom hellish wiles!
The Father knows the Son; therefore secure
Ventures his filial virtue, though untried,
Against whate'er may tempt, whate'er seduce,
Allure, or terrify, or  undermine.
Be frustrate, all ye stratagems of Hell,
And, devilish machinations, come to nought!"
                                (Paradise Regained, Bk. 1., 173 - 181)

The interesting thing about life, I think I've said before, is that you never stop learning. One thing I've learned over the past few days is something about paradise. In Milton's Paradise poems, Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained, we find long and in depth analysis into the fall and redemption of humanity. The quotation above comes from Paradise Regained, and is an echoing of the Gloria of Heaven. Though the language used in this passage is powerful, it is intentionally reflective of the power of God versus Satan.

I think for me, I've learned to trust that God will always be victorious. The fact is, Paradise Regained is about how after we've fallen, the one way to get back up, is to accept that we have fallen, and to see the opportunities we have to rise again, and the people who are there to help. It's about seeing, that before we can reach paradise in Heaven, before we can achieve that paradise - we lost the paradise we live in now, and we have to regain it first; we have to regain the paradise in which we live, by looking and what it really is worth, and working to see it as the paradise it is, through the environment, the people, and the blessings we have.

Lord, this is my prayer, that your will be done, that your kingdom come, through our hearts, through our minds, through the works of Your hand.

Amen.

So This "Studying" Thing Kind of Stinks...

I'd like very much to rather NOT do it, but what choice do I have? Maybe I'm just really tired. I guess I'm really going to have to focus tomorrow. Anyways, what's new with me lately?

First off, studying has been keeping my mind off my heart. I've kinda let my imagination run wild again. I've been dreaming crazy dreams (if you call it dreaming!) and writing down my craziest thoughts. My room is finally clean (sort of..) and I'm almost all set for the upcoming school year. The weather's been really nice here, not as hot as it has been lately. I guess this time of year, although hectic, has been kind of a blessing.

It's been really nice to get back in touch, and realize that beyond all this is a sense that after all I've gone through, I'm still just me.

On a sadder note, it's been almost two weeks since Christina disappeared. As usual, she's still in my prayers, and all of us miss her. It's incredible the effect she's had on us with all she's been through with us. But at this stage, what's more amazing is how people are being called to pray together, which proves to me how awesome a community is, when God uses a single person to speak. And so, I'd like to end this blog as usual, with a prayer.

Lord God, there are so many things in our lives that we need to pray for, but only in your time, only according to your will. Lord, we want to thank you for the chance to grow together in prayer, and to know that you truly are present. We want to pray in thanksgiving for every blessing, as well as every trial, you've given us. We also want to pray, for the people who are going through tough times, that they keep faith in you, that they never let go of their focus, and that their hearts remain forever yours. Lord, most of all, we want to pray for the CFC YFC Conference happening this weekend, that it be a blessing and inspiration to everyone, that it shows people the real meaning of "Call for Hope," that they never lose hope in You, knowing you will bring Christina home, wherever that is for her now. Amen.

Lesson Two

Yeah, I know. But I'm running out of titles. Besides, what does it matter?

Anyways, so I know I need to get my head back in reality. I'm clearly not alright here. The thing is, my life as it stands, is doing a 180 degree flip on me. I can hardly keep up.

So I guess this lesson is really to expect the unexpected. I sure didn't. I should have at least known it would go crazy on me. Man, nothing's working out!

Lord, I pray that things be alright again...whatever that is. I just wish I knew what it is you're planning, and why it has to be such a roller coaster ride for me. If it is your will Lord, then guide me.

Amen.

Lesson One

With all that's been happening, I realize that I can put things together. Reading Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven and putting it together with recent events, I know that this much is true:

"This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life. To have it explained. It is the peace you have been searching for." - The Five People You Meet In Heaven

The thing is, after putting these things together, I realize that each person has their own lessons in a critical situation. My first, is to be thankful for everything, and hopeful for things to come.

To be thankful

What I think this means is that we need to accept that all that has happened is God's will, and perfect timing. It's funny, when you think about how much you say "I", and never "we." But I guess, even through the bad times, we need to be thankful. At the very least, for the experiences gained. The worst possible situation will give us something nice, if we keep praying, and remain thankful and accepting, and as much as we try to hide, does result in equivalent exchange.

To be hopeful

This is something else altogether. It's not like we can feel hope, because, the way most people use the word, is "have hope." It's like something we can grab and hold on to, or to let go of. Hope is, remaining faithful in times of tribulation. The imagery I most often associate with hope comes from a show I used to watch as a child.

"The light inside is hope." and "Hope continues to shine no matter darkness tries to hide it."

Hope is a shining light, that is always there. "Have hope."

The one thing learned most of all for me, is that having hope and being thankful will give you a peace inside, knowing that God has given you His greatest gift: understanding and knowing that everything will be okay.

Amen.

I Realize That It's Been A While

I haven't had much chance to update lately. I guess I haven't really given myself a chance to. I suppose with all that's happening, I haven't wanted to.

Lately, I think I've been trying to get away from certain people, avoid doing certain things. I've had a heart of humility and servitude, and I guess I just didn't want those people to spoil it. Heck, I'm only human, and sometimes, I don't even understand what I'm doing. But there are always going to be people I have to hide from. I'm not one of those perky, always happy type people, who isn't afraid of telling everyone how they feel. Actually, I am afraid of telling people how I feel. Sometimes how I feel shouldn't be how I feel, and so I hide. Sometimes, how I feel will burden other people, so I refuse to talk.

Although it's been a long time since last updating, that's pretty much all that's been going on: fear, worry, anger, emotion, drama, but most of all, prayer.

Anyways, I'll try to do the updating thing more often, but also, I'll pray more.

Lord, I pray for Christina, that she is safe, where ever she is, and that she is under your constant watch.

Amen.

Sometimes, Simple is the Hardest Thing to do.

I know you've all heard it. "It's always the simple answers which are the best." What's it really mean?

The simple answers aren't always going to be there, going to be clear. Sometimes, they are the hardest ones to find, because you look too far past what life is really about.

Lately, I've been making my life complicated. I was pushing people away. I was keeping them out. All because I couldn't figure out how to "go with the flow."

Looking back on it now, "go with the flow" translates to "keep praying and come just as you are for God."

To those people I pushed out lately, I'm sorry. I'm learning to never let go of my faith and who I am, but I'm also learning to never let go of people who matter most to me.

With Raphael's guidance, and God's love, I feel I'm ready to open my heart again. So if you'll accept me, I'd like to ask for your forgiveness.

-Kevin

What Makes My Life So Meaningful...

...is the way every single day is given meaning by the smallest things that happen.

Even if it's just being able to spend time with God, something so simple can be so powerful for me.

A few days ago, I wrote down a poem - a poem inspired by Raphael, my guardian angel. It's a beautiful poem, because of what it means to me. It reflects what I have been able to see around me as I try to live in relation with God each day: six beautiful rainbow wings, borne of my guardian angel. So here it is.

Six Rainbow Wings - Click Here (doc file) or Click Here (html)

Lord God, today my prayer is that everyone who seeks finds refuge in you, that they find their divine guidance, that they know you'll always protect them.

Amen

Learning to Let Go

The thing is, lately, I've tried to figure out how to fix things. I realize that it was never open for my heart to connect. I've honestly never known how to fix things. It was never me. I realize that now.

When I've been able to help people successfully, it's always been because I honestly want to see them getting closer to God, to see them happy, to be able to heal them. I realize that when I've tried to help them, because I want to get close to them, it's never helped the situation.

Taking this into consideration, I did a bit of research. I found out what my Guardian Angel's name is, and looked at what his attributes are. His name means "God who heals." In every aspect of my life, it's like he has been meshed with my spirit by God. It's exactly as it is; God allows me to heal people's hearts when it's for Him, that's when I can be most successful. Otherwise, I'll end up failing to heal them at all.

So, today, my invocation through my angel, the Archangel Raphael, and prayer to God, is this:

God, I am far too often influenced by what others think of me. I am always pretending to be either richer or smarter or nicer than I really am. Please prevent me from trying to attract attention. Don’t let me gloat over praise on one hand or be discouraged by criticism on the other. Nor let me waste time weaving imaginary situations in which the most heroic, charming, witty person present is myself. Show me how to be humble of heart, like you. Let me be me, and over all, serve You, for You.

Amen.

Passion

Okay, so here's the deal.

Today, during the lecture on Islam, the prof. taught something really touching. The funny thing is, it deals with my own spiritual growth too. A woman named Rabi'ah al-Adawiyah came up with the idea that for Islam religion, that loving God goes beyond just spiritual love, but involves the passionate love for God, as we have for our husbands, wives, girlfriends or boyfriends. I realized as I heard that, that passion, as imperfect as we are, is what we love with.

"Loving God isn't perfect, until it is filled with what is most imperfect about us - our love; the passionate love we share with the ones we say we love in our lives."

It's all about the passion. Lord, fill me with a passion to love you, and make it imperfect, but perfect through you.

Amen

What's With the Weather?

Okay, so the weather is very unpleasant, but in some ways, it's also quite nice. What I think though, is that people can get affected easily by the heat. I've been out of happy lately, and believe me, it's not the most pleasant experience.

I've either been hallucinating, or just plain crazy, but people have been odd these past days. It's like no one wants me to trust them. What's more, it's like no one wants me near them.

Is this just me?

I have no opinion on that matter. Heck, I don't really care that much at all. What matters to me right now, is just that I survive this summer.

So today I was out biking today. I saw a few interesting things. First, was bird feathers all over the ground. I picked them up, and released them into the pond. What was cool was how they stuck together, with nothing holding them together. I wish people were like that. I know it'll never be though.

Secondly, I saw school kids playing, at the local school. What made that so interesting was the fact that they manage to stay so close, because of their innocence. Maybe I'm just rambling. Maybe none of this actually matters at all. Who knows?

Anyway, my prayer today is that people will find sanity in this insane weather.

Amen.

The image of a tree that looks like an anteater from Dr. Suess

It's Simple.

Let God.

Amen.

Listen...

Listen to the words of the song currently playing. It's called "Shadow Feet" by Brooke Fraser. I was listening to it, and realized that at this point of my life, it should be my anthem. Its a song that says, even though I'm going through so much in my life, so much stress, so much self-blame, so much remorse, I'm still firm on God's love.

"When the world is falling out from under me,
I'll be found in you, still standing.
Every fear and accusation under my feet,
when time and space are through,
I'll be found in you."

Lord, I pray that I'll forever root myself in you, no matter what I go through, that I find your love as my main drive.

Amen.

Sometimes, I Think About Problems...

Problems with people...

Somehow, I realize, my one problem with people is really, just getting too close. I came to that conclusion today, that, when I try to get close with people, it only falls apart. It's so frustrating sometimes, that its like putting a 3D puzzle together, using a balloon as a support, and nothing to keep the pieces together with. It falls apart, or I put too much and it pops in my face. Then I realize there aren't that many people I actually can connect with. And to be honest, I find that every single time I try to get close, my heart darkens, tries to keep people out.

I guess that's why I blog - to get things out, to open up, in a way that I can't anywhere else. It's not that I'm not willing to share. But it seems like every time I put my trust in a friend who may share what I share; a faith in God, or just find someone to turn to, I end up losing their trust. Sometimes, I end up being alone, again. I can never figure out how to keep a close friend close. Funny eh?

Worst part about it is, even my secular friends are honestly closer to me than people who claim to be close to me.

I personally don't know whether or not it matters any more. But at least, now some people understand why I blog.

Lord, I pray you give me grace to accept the way people are, to forgive, to love, to understand, and most of all, to move on.

Amen.

What an interesting summer.

Every time I ask myself what I've done, the answer seems to be nothing. Nothing but go to school, write poetry, spend time talking to friends and pray. Little did I realize, though, that these four things make up who I am. Little did I realize that without these things, I'd be nothing.

With school, I'm taking religion and English this summer. Focusing more on religion, I realize that I've learned so much from the profs already, and I'm not even halfway through. One thing I try to keep in mind is that taking these classes is really just a way for me to open my eyes to insights on different religions, and I try to keep in mind that that is exactly why I'm taking them.

Poetry seems to be quite important for me lately. I've been writing a lot of poetry myself, showing, not really to others, but more for myself, that which I am, and that which I love most.

A writer's love is his inspiration.

I believe that to be true. Everything I've written about, is the kind of thing you'd find me sitting quietly and appreciating. Poetry, as I've come to see this summer, is a part of me that is inextricable.

With friends, I seem to have found those who are true friends, and those who aren't. I've realized that it's really all about the way I connect to them, heart to heart. It's taught me to choose my friends through prayer, through faith, and through God's guidance.

And lastly, I have prayer. Every bored, empty, sad, or happy moment, where I could spare a breath in my heart, I would pray - a prayer of thanksgiving, a prayer of apology, an prayer of rejoicing song. It's important for me to keep my prayer in mind.

So I realize, even though it seems like nothing this summer, I realize it actually is a lot, I'm just not making the best of it.

Lord, teach me to make the most of the blessings you give, and fulfill it through your mission for me, and let your will be done.

Amen.

The Power of Our Actions

I remember hearing a talk about the power of our actions. I remember that in during that talk, I had not had a chance to take in. That's probably right now why I don't really remember much. But the thing is, right now, I am feeling like my actions had so much power. Somehow, I realize that my actions took on so much power today. I realize that I was able to bring my friend closer to God, just because I took the time to spend with them, to make them feel special. Personally, I get that a lot, but hearing it from this one friend made it somehow very special. Realizing it from someone who had once hit the lowest of lows, and being brought that much closer to God, allowed me to see that I actually do have that much power for it. Every little thing we do can change the path of someone's life in so many ways, but it's always the good actions that outweigh the bad. I saw that today. And I'm thankful.

Lord God, I pray today that I continue to help shape people's lives, the way you want me to. Lord, my actions, but your will.

Amen.

Overdoing it a Bit?

So today was a Leaders Assembly for Cluster 3. Thinking about it now, I question if God's intentions are really just overdoing it a smudge, or maybe it shows the absolute might of God. What I'm saying is, I had told someone something along the lines of

"I'll pray, and I hope that you pray too, that the leaders who are lacking faith and missing that passion, that they find that passion, that they renew their resolve, and that the re-ignite that flame of service in their hearts."

Somehow, I think God was just waiting for me to say that prayer. After feeling so dry in my service, saying that, today had given me new resolve. And I really can't believe that's all it took, that after being so selfish in my service, in my prayer, in my worship, that that's all it took. My prayer is in thanksgiving to God for helping me rediscover the passion and resolve of a servant. I found myself with a humble heart once again.

Amen.

Doing the Work of the Lord, to Glorify the Lord of the Work

I was just thinking to myself and reading up for my poetry class, meanwhile playing some music in the background. At the moment, I was listening to "Center of My Life" by Hillsongs London. And in listening to this particular song, the two words that kept going through my mind were, "Your majesty." I find this so centering because it seems to me, I never thought of calling Jesus anything but Lord and King. Then it hit me...Jesus is King, and a king, by virtue of that title, also has the name "His Majesty." It's supposed to be a factor showing how important it is, more than working for God, to glorify God - the reason we work for God, is because doing the work of the Lord is meant to glorify the Lord of the work.

Anyways, I've been busy a bit lately, and I took this time to write this because I felt like I needed to respond to that thought.

So I pray today in thanksgiving for the amazing weather we're having here, and in a humble prayer to bless those not so fortunate, that even in those times, they may find God at work in their lives.

Amen.

Three Days

Sometimes, that's all it takes to change your perspective entirely. In three days, what have I done?

I've done a lot to change myself as a person. I ended up finding out that my passion for poetry is not only a deep rooted love, but a desire to find in my faith a comforter in a voice different from my own. I ended up discovering the type of son I am, and recommitted myself to the love of God and parents. I ended up seeing through learning to play guitar, that practice in life is painful, but I will get the hang of things, if not sooner, then later. All this, in three days.

More then that is the music I've fallen in love with. The song now playing is a song called "Complete" by the Parachute Band. This song's lyrics fills me with such hope, because, and listen to it, the chorus says "Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day, And I will be complete in you."

I want to find that perfect completion in God's own love. I want to see beyond all the temptations, the trials, the sins, the lies, the deception. I want to find that light in God's love that breaks through all of that, that will make me complete.

So today, as I sit here writing this at such a bad time, I pray that one day, I will be complete and with God.

Amen

Prayer is...

Prayer is more than just a way of talking to God. It's quite interesting to note that, while reading for my Western religions course, I'm going through my Judaism text, and I come across a section on prayer.

The textbook outlines prayer in several ways, using the bible for support - and while it isn't really the best source of information, I'll concede this time, it has been used, and taken me to a whole new understanding.

1. The Psalms - a collection of collective and individual prayers; described as the prayer book for the second temple.

2. 1 Kgs 8:22-53 - King Solomon's prayer as a dedication of the temple to the Lord, one of the finest prayers

3. Deut 10: 20 - explained that we must serve our God, that prayer is service, a service of the heart.

4. 1 Sam 1 (inclusive) - Hannah (Samuel's mother) prays for a child. This is the prototype of the most sincere, spontaneous prayer; prayer requires inner commitment, the heart.

5. Psalms - Prayer is not just words, it is the "outpouring of the soul" and "a cry from the depths."

Other things are mentioned, but what this reminds me of is the end of Hillsongs' "You are My World" where they sang the reprise version of the songs, but Darlene says "we want to feel the heartbeat of the church, crying out to their God." That's what prayer is. It's the outcry of the heart, calling out to God.

I personally need to grow in prayer, and I realize this is a part of that step. So now, I will keep on pursuing, and growing, and I pray that everyone finds their own way of crying to God.

Amen.

Learning to Live for God

So today was a Household Assembly. It's certainly in my book of memories. While there weren't a lot of us, it was still a worthwhile time. In my head the whole time was what had happened the past few weeks, since precon.

"Dare more than ever to proclaim the word fearlessly" - The bible verse from Precon (Phil 1:14)

"Jesus I believe in you, and I would go, to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the earth for you" - The Challenge Phrase from "To The Ends of the Earth" sung at Cluster 3 Leaders Training

"I Choose to be a guide to those who need God most" - My mission statement developed at the Core Group

"He died for us, shouldn't we live for Him?" - Today's Household Assembly taught of the effort it requires to DARE TO BE DANIEL

So I thought about all these things lately, and I realize what it is God is telling me to do. I need to put more effort into my service. And my prayer is that I can grow in service, and that I can put in more effort.

I pray that everyone searching for service will find it, and give all for the sake of their God.

Amen.

A Word From...

Today's post will be something different. Today, I'll be talking about life, and learning to live it day to day. But instead of my own words, I'll be sharing the words of someone who has lived life a way much more than I ever could; a life so full of passion, this guy knows what it is to live and let live. This is a poem written by my friend, former chapter head, brother.

The Truth Wrapped Tight
Miguel J. Javier

I found it, though it did take a while
I found where the purity comes from a genuine smile
All that is hidden in the Truth wrapped tight
Exposed the light, and I fell in love with life

It’s the feeling you get from giving a hand
The satisfaction from offering an ear
The selfless act of helping someone to stand
Sacrificing yourself with intentions sincere

I try to live my life with a goal but in-between
I strive for the truth of all things
I want to live and be in the side that is green
Living here helps me see more of what life brings

I found it, though it did take a while
I found where the purity comes from a genuine smile
All that is hidden in the Truth wrapped tight
Exposed the light, and fell in love with life

I’ve fallen in love
And I’m falling more every night
I’ve fallen in love
With everything beautiful in my life

Find it, though it might take a while
Find it in the purity that comes from a genuine smile
All that is hidden in the Truth wrapped tight
Expose the light, and you will find your love for life

The light is in family and friends
It is contained in the hand that you lend
It is in a heart that gives
In a heart that forgives

It is in everyone that appreciates everyday lived.

This poem is an incredible depiction of a life full of love. And the way I see it, it really is those simple things, the most simple things, which make life all that much more amazing. It's like, have you ever gone out on a really nice sunny day, to just lie down in the grass and look up? Sure, it sounds sappy, but those are the times at which I can be truly happy, away from the stress of anything, just lying down, at peace. Then when I smile, I can feel the warmth of the sun wrapping around me. It's really just because it's so simple, yet it does so much. I guess that's what it means to say that sometimes, the smallest smile can change the world. Sometimes that's true, because if the smile is a warm one, then it's bound to create only good things.

So if you're reading this Miguel - thanks for the inspiration, and thanks for being a brother.

Amen.

But how?

How do we learn to forgive others?And how do we learn to pray? How do we learn to love? How do we learn to live?

To all of these answers and more, the only answer one can give is to experience it. We learn to forgive by being forgiven, to pray by watching others and listening, to love by feeling loved, to live just by living.

But how do we ever learn, if we never learn for ourselves? How can we forgive others if we can't even forgive ourselves? How do we love others, if we can't genuinely say we've done so for ourselves?

It's just been test after test lately, and I wish I could learn to forgive myself. I don't know why, but I've been bothered by every single mistake I've made lately. So I just want to figure it out.

Anyways, my one prayer is that for anyone who's seeking serenity, that they find it. And that God will grant me serenity and that I will find a way to forgive myself.

Amen.

The Forgiving Father

What is it that makes walking down memory lane so amazing? Simple. We learn things, things that we may have forgotten, things that we needed a more mature perspective to see, or things that we just needed to be reminded of. Today, I was doing an errand for my mom, when I found a little workbook from way back when. On the cover, is a picture coloured in in crayon in a collection of random colours, the picture coloured by an awkward 7 year old boy, before his first Confession.

As I flip through the pages of this book, I'm reminded of all the times I had as a child, that I recorded, and all those things I've done wrong. Many things come from this little book, and I'm thankful that I found it once again.

On the inside cover, the first thing you notice is the little smiles inside the "O"s and the whole framing scheme of the text there, that reads "Isn't it great that God loves us so much!"

A couple of pages later, there is a picture of a circle of friends, and inside the circle are the words "We are one big happy family!"

A page after that is where I stop reading, because it hit me so hard, how what I learned back then was really that important to what I know now. The story that I found on this page is as follows.

One day, a man asked Jesus
"Teacher, which law is the greatest?"
Jesus told him the following,
"There are two; first, love God with
all your heart, soul, mind
and strength.
Second, love your neighbour as yourself.
Upon these, everything depends."

I know this comes from the bible. But even still, finding it in this context means so much more. Looking on the other side of the page, there was an activity, as simple as it sounds, that was just a fill in the blank thing. All the words are used, except for love. I remember doing this book in class, having fun, talking to my peers and classmates about it. I didn't at the time, think about the things I do now, when I read something like this. I guess though, that what this means is, that I'm growing up, that reading it with so much value, means we're simply growing. I personally find myself, wondering how stupid I'm sounding right now. But I know that, no matter how many things just go up and down for me, I know that it's this love, which is to be at the center of it all.

Amen.

Trust in the Lord

So I came across a situation today that kind of got me frustrated. At the moment, I'm not really sure what's going on. I can only pray a prayer I learned in highschool, about being at peace with whatever comes your way.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Definition: Leader

Flashback? Maybe. For me, it seems to be the case. Today was community cluster 3's Leader Training. What came out of it? Well. Look at the picture below.

This is the result of a growing community. The one thought that ran through my mind at the end of the day was the one definition of a leader in the YFC community, that I gave myself ages ago: a leader among those in God's house, is a servant of the greatest kind.

So today brought me back to where it all began. I wish I were able to explain it, but it was kind of like taking a trip back to the past. Also, I've found the voice of worship that I heard from so many of the ones I look up to. But today, I pray that I keep in mind the following: " A Leader is only as good as his SERVICE."

Amen

Claiming knowledge as our own.

As a Philosophy Specialist, I come across many faith testing questions, like "are you sure?" and "how do you know?"

Often, it has to do with my faith. People ask why I care so much about God, how I know He exists, what makes me so sure.

All I have to say is this - faith is a different kind of knowledge, it's one that you claim for yourself.

This is part of what I was saying yesterday, about conviction. It's about knowing for yourself that God is there for you. You don't have to justify it by any means, to anyone but you. But that, I think, is too hard for a lot of people to understand.

I think that people who are skeptical don't have anything to be committed to, and those that listen without understanding are the ones who give in too easily. The thing I think I personally aim for as a philosopher, is wisdom, and as a follower of Christ, understanding.

My one prayer for people is that they find wisdom, and understanding, in the conviction and the things that they work for.

Amen.

Living with Strong Convictions.

I know.
I believe.
I'm persuaded.
I'm committed.

Many of us, in journeying through life, forget what's important. Over the past few days, I've been talking about commitment, but reading today, I realized that that isn't all there is to it. I realize that apart from being committed, we need to be convicted of what we want.

Especially in the Christian tradition, every week, millions upon millions of people attend services. The question is: are they convicted enough to serve God, by giving their lives for Him.

We need to know what we believe in, be persuaded by it, and be committed to it. For St. Paul, it was all about conviction:

"For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day." [2 Timothy 1:12 NKJV]

It is this very conviction which lead the Christian faith where it is now - with leaders and teachers of such great faith that they would give it all up for God.

What's amazing is how much a little conviction can do: think of Mother Theresa, of Pope John Paul II, of St. Paul and St. Peter. The faith of the church has grown because of the conviction of these people. This is why I'm praying for everyone to have strong convictions, and faithful convictions for their lives.

Amen.

Commitment cont'd

So this post is just a continuation of what I wrote yesterday about what commitment is. I had thought though, that maybe knowing what it is isn't enough to enable us to be committed. So what does it take to be committed? It takes a certain kind of attitude, one of resolve. To make it easy to understand, I've used common things that leaders say. Italicized is the things leaders should say.

1. I want to have fellowship. I will have a fellowship.
2. I want to let things happen. I will make things happen.
3. I want to do things when it's exciting. I will make it exciting.
4. I want my members to get used to sharings. I will set an example by doing a sharing.
5. I want to work with people I like. I will love who I work with regardless.
6. I want to do what I already know everything about. I will do new things, and learn as I go along.

As a side note, this was just the positive formulation. There is a more exact formula of the attitude of a committed person. It goes something like this:

1. I will not wait for things to happen. I will make things happen.
2. I will not wait for the work to be exciting. I will make it exciting.
3. I will not wait for somebody to tell me what to do. I will ask what I can do.
4. I do not have to know everything to be effective. I can learn as I go along.
5. I do not have to like everyone I work with. I can love them nonetheless.
   

This is what defines being committed - is being able to resolve where you are, take initiative, get out of your comfort zone, and making the mission yours. I realize that I need for myself to practice this better. Sometimes, I miss out on what the mission is calling for me, and where I'm supposed to stand. So what I'm hoping is that for anyone who seeks commitment, that they (as well as myself) finds it.

Amen.

Commitment

When we talk about relationships and "getting the job done," we usually refer to commitment. When we commit ourselves to getting a job done, what do we mean? Do we simply mean "we promise to get it done" or is it worth something more? What commitment means to me, is it's a promise, but more then that. It's a promise to give your whole self. Below are just three stories I dug up, talking about what commitment is.

Story 1 - Continental Breakfast (Involvement vs. Commitment)

For a continental breakfast, traditionally, there are eggs and bacon. The eggs come from chickens and the bacon are the pigs. We say that the chicken is "involved" in the continental breakfast, while the pig is committed to the breakfast.

Commitment is giving our whole lives, heart and mind, to the mission.

Story 2 - Burn Your Boats (Perseverance)

It's 1519, Spaniard Hernando Cortes sets sail for the Americas with 600 Spanish soldiers. He landed on the east coast of Mexico - the home of the Aztecs. His men heard stories of the ferocious nature of the Aztecs and asked to go home. Instead, he ordered his ship be burned. And with no way to retreat, the only thing they had the choice of doing was conquer, and so they did. This act gave Hernando Cortes the title of the "Greatest Conquistador in the Americas."

When you commit, you don't play safe. You don't think "I'll only stay here for as long as it's safe but I'll leave when its not." You jump in and fight for the mission until it's achieved, fun or not. It's about getting out of your comfort zone.

Story 3 - Civil War (Encouragement)

During the American Civil War, the Union army was pinned in a town by Confederate artillery positioned on an overlooking hill. The officers of this Union army decided to send a unit to make a diversionary charge up the hill while the rest of the army would escape. The unit was bound to be completely destroyed – it was a suicide mission. In the middle of the diversionary attack, one man in the unit decided, “If I’m going to die, I might as well make this a real attack.” He charged up the hill for real. The other men in his unit saw him and were encouraged by his act, so they charged up the hill, too. The Confederate forces were weaker than they thought, and upon seeing the charge, thought it was a full scale attack. The Confederate forces retreated, and the diversionary unit took the hill.

Your commitment will bring out the commitment of others.

On the whole, commitment is about being fully willing and able to do God's will - it's about serving with all you are, fearlessly, never turning back. And in those tight spots, it's about committing anyways, because if you commit, others will too, and in the end, it will only bring about good things.

Amen.

Learning How To Pray

Lately I've been thinking about how to get close with God. I realize that the one thing that everyone turns to is prayer. I know even I do it. But do I really know how to pray? All these years of reciting empty words, have I really learned the meaning of prayer? Can I really talk to God without fear of mockery, without fear of saying the wrong thing, without fear of forgetting what I'm supposed to say, without fear of forgetting to make the sign of the cross?

I read a little story that I had archived in my emails, and it tells of a man who always went to church to pray during his lunch break. This is how he prayed;

"Dear Jesus,

I just came again to tell you
How happy I have been
Since we found each other's friendship
And you took away my sin.

I don't know much of how to pray
But I think about you everyday

So Jesus,
This is me, checking in today."

This is probably the most simple prayer anyone can say. It's a prayer so full of love, of meaning. It's like that saying, "pray with the heart of a child, but live a life that follows Christ." (Okay, so maybe I just made that up, but still.)

The thing is, I've been thinking about things I've done, things I'm doing. The people who I consider my friends now, they all fully support me in my faith. The thing is, as I read the rest of this story, I saw a little response to that prayer, from God. As I read it, I heard a voice actually saying these things to me. Here's the response;

"My Dear and Beloved,

I'm always here and I love you
Oh how happy I have been
Since we've found each other's friendship
And I took away your sins.

I always love to hear you pray,
And I think about you each day.

So my child, this is Jesus,
Checking in today."

And I know God loves me. He loves all of us. He is proud of each and every one of us. All He really expects from us is obedience. That's when He will give us the world, if that's what we want.

So what I guess I really learned was that the most important thing to keep in mind is that to pray, is to talk to God. It isn't like presenting a speech or a petition to a million people. It's just like talking to your parents, your siblings, your friends. Keep it simple. Keep in real.

Amen.

Fearless

To be fearless...
Is to know that God is there
Is to believe He will never let you down
Is to remember that with Him you can become unstoppable.

To act fearless...
Is to stand up for those values which God places in your heart
Is to always be at least two steps ahead, but willing to turn around and strike for God
Is to be a fool for God even when it physically kills you

To pray for fearlessness...
Is to remember how much you love and need God
Is to keep in your heart how important God's love is to you
Is to know you are never alone.

This is what it means to fearlessly BAP BAP!

Yesterday's pre-conference was so amazing. Never have I been so close to God in my entire life. I honestly feel myself getting closer more and more each day. But what was amazing what that it was when I prayed for my friends and family that I got closest to Him.

I pray that those who seek Him, will be fearless, will find help in those who care, and will find Him fearlessly!

Amen.

Purpose One

Some of you may be wondering why I've started this blog. Some of you probably don't care.

For those that do care, my answer is this:

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I've been working on (creative writing projects and things of that sort). So this blog is dedicated to all my projects, and projects of those who have inspired me.

The first piece I intend to put up is an extract from my book...a piece that really got me thinking a lot lately.

"'Pick the memory that you remember with most happiness.'
Happiness…
I wasn’t even sure what that meant anymore. It’s been so long since I last experienced happiness that, I didn’t know the real meaning of the word.
This passage is one that I'd been reflecting upon a lot lately. When I wrote it, I seriously thought hard about the consequences of doing so. I wondered what I'd end up feeling in the future when I re-read this. Now I know.

The reason for feeling like this is different though. This isn't a feeling of remorse, or a feeling that I don't know happiness. But that word. For me, I can equate happiness with passion... a passion to serve.

I've been quite grateful lately to be able to understand what it means for me to be happy, for me to truly be happy.

So today, as I began this post, I titled it Purpose One - because the number one purpose in our lives is to be happy, and to understand the peace that comes with it.

Amen.